I quit April 16, 2012 cold turkey and I discovered it was the routine that was the hardest part to get over. The fact that you realize that now is already a HUGE step. I can't tell you what to do for you, but for me, I found I had to work on thought control and behavior control.
Another person already covered the thought control really well in a comment to you, regarding saying "I hate smoking," giving a cough, etc. I used to become overflowed with guilt every time I saw fire men cause I felt like i was somehow responsible for all the fires they have to put out, and I'd sort of meditate on my guilt over possible fires, littering the earth with butts, things like that because those things weighed on my mind. When I quit I was able to turn those things positive, I could sit in my car at a light with a fire truck and not feel like they're sitting there shaming me for causing fires, I could look at the beautiful beach and feel relieved knowing I wasn't contributing to its pollution, I could hold my newborn nephew without worrying about making him smell like smoke or go through a bunch of shit so I didn't stink like shit when I wanted to hold him. So basically, thought wise, you could make a typed/written list of all the positives of quitting smoking and keep it handy so any time you think of lighting up you can pull out the list and a) distract yourself from the cigarette thought and b) replace it with a positive reminder of WHY you are doing this. Every single time you push away a thought about cigarettes, even for a nanosecond, is a great achievement!!! And the more you do it, the more you realize you aren't thinking about it anymore. When I first stopped I couldn't fathom what my brain would do with itself without the planning/seeking/rewarding of cigarette addiction, but within even just 4 months I had started to completely forget how my brain used to be so preoccupied with it. Now, nearly 5 years later, I can't even fathom having so much of my thoughts committed to that addiction!! It feels like an entirely different lifetime.
Regarding the behavioral, this is just something you have to work on yourself. There's the social smoking aspect, I had to cut myself off from concerts and bars for a long time. It was a huge struggle but I knew I would fail if I went out, thankfully my friends understood and were supportive and when I was able to ease back into social functions, and would get tipsy and try to light up, my friends were incredibly good at getting me to stop. And then I knew I wasn't ready yet and took some more time away. You may or may not struggle with social smoking the way I did, but I'd go hardcore chain smoker the second a person would get near me. I didn't know how to have a conversation without smoking, how to deal with ebbs in conversation without breaking it up with a smoke break, etc. it took a long time for me to get my footing socially again.
I never smoked inside my house, I had to go outside down a long hall, down an elevator and out on to the street to smoke, so I got super into cooking fancy dinners and baking desserts. Cooking ensured I couldn't possibly take the time to go outside, I had too many things in the kitchen I had to take care of. I actually ended up replacing my nicotine addiction with a sugar addiction and I'm honestly still fighting to get off sugar now after nearly 5 years of mass consumption lol. Ugh. So beware, don't eat any of the treats you make!! I also gnawed on baby carrots like a crack headed rabbit, to keep my fingers and mouth busy, but be careful because the carrot WILL dye the skin around your mouth.
On top of all of this I would read the daily QuitNet emails in the morning so I'd wake up and immediately get my head in the no-smoking headspace. You can sign up for free for the emails on their website. I also had a wonderful support system. Thankfully 99% of my friends had already quit smoking or were such casual smokers they easily respected my struggle. They were a huge help, especially in times of need.
I hope any of this is helpful for you! Please feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions. I chose to go cold turkey on a random day and haven't had a single cigarette since I quit and I honestly owe it all to my constant work on behavioral and thought modification.
So last night I had a footgasm..
Alright guys, this might be long or not I'm not too sure so BEWARE BELOW or something I don't know. Anyways, last night I had a footgasm. This will take a little while actually I think, still not sure. Anyways, I baked for the first time in a month or so but I was smoking instead of eating edibles.
But I forgot the difference in high when smoking and ingesting. But what really tipped it was the fact I ripped a large hit from a bong and took what seemed like four years worth of coughing up my left nut doing so.
Backstory: So I'm trying to chill the hell out in this chair and watch the Goblet of Fire (fucking best one and also go Harry Potter) and just dive into the magical wizardry of this world. I'm real slump and feel so heavy my leg feels like it's going into the corner of this metal desk(pictured below). It feels real heavy now.. Then I get this sort of mellow, long waved, warm, tingling sensation going through my leg. Then I started to notice it. I was trying to cut the blood circulation in my leg but it felt different than the sharp and painful stinging sensation it usually feels as the blood starts to flow back in. It felt good, like REALLY good. It kept getting better and better. It was sooo strong and then it started to fade gradually. It wasn't an exponential decrease, inverse is kind of far off so then it'll be linearly, just sort of at a fast rate. It felt as though, and I'm referencing what I *hear* what it feels like, but the effects of meth and heroin. How the first time you experience something so powerful and life changing and it puts real, real bright color back into your dull and gray world that after you get dragged back to reality and finding yourself only happy back at that place. Then you decide to get more and really feel that great way again. But something is different, something slight yet noticeable. You shrug it off and get more. Taking it once again to experience that real first time. Yet this time, it seemed to decline even more in quality and from expectations. You think, what the hell, and it must be the quantities that are messed up. So you decided to get more at this time and you smoke or inject it (respectively; solely due to memory so I apologize if I'm wrong when you check back up to see if that's how you ingest those unfortunately created drugs in order, also referencing the word respectively). But you get back to that point and you feel amazing again. Then, if you're smart enough, you understand that you need more and more to get the same and same high. That's when you go back to buy more than last time, and you would think it would work but it doesn't. Less again, and you start to realize you're going to have to buy more to experience again what saved you from your previous world. But the colors seem to dull harder and harder you use more and more. Diminishing quickly and there's nothing you can do, trying as hard as your will allows you to get back to that first point. Yet, the god's life force is solely dependent on dying souls. Being let through the portal to get your life sucked out each time as this god feeds you false sensations that would best attract you and only you as the god has read your dna compositions and creates this world to keep you coming back. And it takes your life force away bit by end piece and you diminish away forever as this god continues to live off yet another soul. You then get the big picture, not just the illusion you've been seeing. This real world the god is controlling as it created its own dimension. To only yet again realize it is a higher soul in power compared to ours that it feeds off of (it's actually illegal in the laws for the universe and the powerful force, Xarnen(English), which feeds off of souls). But as you are being mind barraged by this mental image, you also realize that you are dying. You also see the whole scheme as it unfolds, yet your vision closes in and fades blacker than real world darkness. Black #000000 (don't know if that's right either). You become depressed to nothing. That's after your last hit. Your last hit of your real world life, as you die of overdose from your addiction.
Now back to real world situation: that's how it felt in my left foot as I stopped the blood flow but something happened. At complete black, everything exploded in my leg. I mean, everything. I birthed a Big Bang within which was encased by my leg. It was better than the unimaginable feeling yet that's is the addiction to RC drugs. It was better than any orgasm I've ever had. The sensation radiated through the rest of my central nervous system and entirely filled my brain's happiness complexes and dulled my anger complexes. It was the most ('insert new and improved, stronger word than any synonym to "amazing"') sensation I feel like I ever could. I had what I deem a 'footgasm'(trademarked 9/30/2016), and I felt I needed to write this.
Either all of that, or I just unlocked my true kink last night.
TLDR: I don't know man, you should probably read that wall of text.
(By the way I'm writing it while high and at the time of the highness while having a tomorrow morning's perspective)
Edit: another writing sample from last night
How there are different sizes of the theory of infinite. I've heard it told by examples of getting bigger and bigger infinites. I'm going to come at it from a smaller and smaller concept.
Let's grasp our concept of time. What it is. The dimension of this universe, known as time, that has been theoretically proven to warp due to the causes of the universe. It has a relative meaning to each individual soul that can conceptualize the dimension of time in some way. There references to a person's concept of time that references the individual's and that's what causes mixups in social arranges. Let's say you're now in that social exchange with someone and they are telling a story or joke and mentions the phrase, "...0.2 of a second..." And that's all you grasp from what your friend is saying. And think about time. In your own way it is unique to you but you think about the overall relative theory of time and the "sameness" for everyone. Then you think about if 0.2 seconds is a short amount of time. Is it? Judge off what you answered to yourself. Now think about a millisecond, microsecond, nanosecond, and you start to realize you're furthering yourself from 1 base second. You start adding up negative exponents and realize the negative number can get infinitely further away from 1. Continuing to distance yourself forever. But let's represent this with a line in space. And now as we keep furthering and furthering ourselves from 1, there is a point that is half of our distance away from 1, following us with half of our velocity always and forever with us. Look a little closer and you see a point half the distance from the original half to 1, following that line, moving at a half of it's velocity and a fourth of our velocity. This continues as smaller and smaller fractions emerge producing each point's respective half point. This is infinitely small, and infinite infinites to our concept of time. This can continue forever(yet to be unproven and I know that's not scientific) but there's one flaw already with my logic, we cannot measure this series of summations. So we must create our own theory of illogical math, a conceptual law. There are infinitely smalls as infinitely infinitely larges. And there are infinitely smalls within one infinitely large. Again, this can continue with new and creative ideas. Prove me wrong or right. I didn't want to do the math because my buddy with waiting for me to get off of the toilet.
(By the way I'm writing it while high and at the time of the highness, the same night as last.)
Helluva woman. Her "Nanosecond" is displayed at the US Naval Academy and many thousands of Naval Officers walk by it every day as they go to their science courses.
Edit: meant to say many thousands of officers HAVE walked by it. Midshipmen walk by it every day.
Most definitely. I have a semi-abusive father who, in my early childhood years, had a propensity to frequently express his displeasure towards me physically by slapping me, grinding my ears or plain old whipping my ass with his leather belt. The frequency dwindled as I grew up, but I have been slapped even when I turned 18, over petty issues like why the appliance was not turned off (electric geyser) right after being used (it has an auto-cut feature for fuck's sake).
On top of that, everyday after coming back from work, he would make life hell by shouting our goddamn ears of for reasons that were pretty much non-existent. He also has this weird obsession with pseudo-military lifestyle (he was trained for 3 months with domestic military forces for his desk job at an intelligence agency for the rest of his life), where he gets to dictate what everyone should do all the time, and have to react to his orders in a NANOSECOND (not joking, he'll go on a 2hr banter on how we were a second late to give him X when he asked for X), but he won't get off his fat-ass to work out or set an example himself (he's 5'1" and has a 42" waist).
He'd have these mood swings, where he went mental as I described above, and then suddenly tried to sweet-talk to us after a short while.
My mother has always let it go in the end, using the excuse that "his parents were abusive to him (that's another long story) and so he doesn't know how to act". I tried to defend my brother from the same shit several times, which is why I can say that he's probably the least emotionally scarred of the 3 of us (me, mum and him).
Thankfully, I was able to go to a good uni, and then get a high-salary job with a reputable international MNC, and finally moved to a different city. But even today, he talks and acts like this everyday shitshow isn't taking the least bit of toll on the lives of people around him.
Of course, I once tried to suggest he see a therapist. The answer was, predictably, a slap.
The room today was empty. The clinic didn't open until twelve, but thanks to Juno's frequent flyer status she was given special benefits. Beating the long lines and crying babies was one of those perks. She took a seat in her normal spot. Chair thirteen a number she'd considered lucky since she was a little girl. Once settled she brought up the extranet on in her oculus. The dram clinic faded away and in its place flooded in the bright colors of the interplanetary web. To bide her time, Juno dug into old books she'd earmarked on Amazon. *Dune*, by Frank Herbert flittered into view. The book floated in air and opened without prompt to where she'd left off. Juno sighed as she began to read.
"Ms. Nobunaga, welcome back." Came a friendly voice. A tiny screen popped up, a portal to the corporeal world. Above her stood a handsome young Jacker with short cut black hair. He gave her a closed lip smile. "My name is specialist Able Teague, I'll be preforming your Sychopation today."
"Where's my normal Jacker?" She asked closing out the screen.
"Specialist O'Hare recently parted ways wit Sychoney." The new guy replied.
*Shit, they must have really cleaned house.* Juno thought with an intrigued smirk.
"If you ask me I'd say this place was really cleaning house." Specialist Teague said. That struck her as odd, Juno brought up the screen to the outside world. Specialist Teague was still above her, fiddling with wires.
"I didn't ask you." She said coldly. *Weirdo*, Jackers were always an odd breed. She watched him fumble the wires a moment longer, "They skimp out on training you too?"
The specialist was unfazed by her remark, "Of course not." He assured, "Sychoney offers only the best in Sychopation Specialists, I'm certified in IPV, CAD, ILOC, and a number of other nonsensical acronyms."
Juno only shook her head. "Where the hell'd they find you. Make it quick doc, I got plans for today." She muttered and closed him out once again. A moment later she felt a soft touch behind her ear, then a short jab as a jack was insert. Her Oculus flickered for a moment as her software recognized the program. A bar appeared over her book showing the progress of the back up. Juno ignored it and kept reading.
Sychopation, for as harmless as it was, never really felt as such. There was no physical stimulus aside from the initial insertion, it just kind of happened. Everything that she was, was copied and transferred into Sychoney servers, checked for corruption, then added back into her head. There was a malaise to it, it felt like she was being drained. As if at any moment someone could pull the plug and she'd pop like an ancient incandescent lightbulb. Pop, shatter, and drain out into a black hole of nothingness. Juno felt her real body shiver. Then again she could just be blowing the whole thing out of proportion. Like flying, there hadn't been an incident with back ups in near a century.
"Welp all done." Specialist Teague said happily. Juno blinked and closed out of her book and the real world appeared. Teague was once again fiddling with wires as he tried and failed to find their proper homes on the server. Juno shook her head. She got up to leave.
"Hey hold up!" Teague said.
"What?" She replied slinging a backpack over her shoulder.
"You wouldn't happen to be *the* Juno Nobunaga would you?" He seemed strangely excited.
"What kind of question is that?" She shot back cold as she could manage.
"Juno Nobunaga." He said staring.
"Thats my name creep, just like thousands of women and maybe a dozen men."
"No but you're the one aren't you?" He approached slowly. Now a little more than creeped, Juno felt herself back away. "The postman who doubles as an escort, but theres more to you than mail and dinners with fat rich humans. Would you happen to know of Besserich Gading? CEO of Utelecorp and major proponent of TEA?"
All her sensors fired simultaneously. *Shit.* She pushed past him. This was not good, not good at all. How could she have not seen this coming. Clear as fucking day an ambush. *She recently parted ways with Sychoney.* The words echoed in her head. How could I be so stupid!?
"Hey hold up!" Teague called after. She didn't stop. "Stop!" She began to run. Fifteen feet from the door, in seconds she'd be clear. If only she could reach the streets she'd be home free. "I said stop!!"
She froze. Literally. In an instant all her systems locked up. Her body stopped moving and collapsed stood awkwardly reaching out for the door. Juno couldn't move, she couldn't blink, all her the software in her visual space flickered. All her systems were locked, but her mind still worked. Her slow one, her human one. Slow as her grey matter was it didn't take but a second to realize what happened. That man had hijacked her.
*I'm toast.* She thought horrified. The man walked around her, scowling.
"I'd saying the running away constitutes a confession." He said. Juno could only sling vitriolic curses from the confines of her mind. She tried as hard as she could to telegraph them through her eyes. The specialist neither cared nor noticed. Instead he produced a flash drive. An ancient thing, flash drives had gone the way of VCR's long before she was born.
"This is for you." He said sliding it into her jean pocket. A strange sensation, she felt his hand through her thigh and not her implants. "Only view it on a device thats not connected to the extranet. Its contents are too important to be discovered by someone else. On it you'll find your first objective."
As it became clear he wasn't going to arrest her, her rage turned to inquisition. The more she looked at the man the more she realized that something else was off. He looked human, very human in fact. No trace of any sort of hardware on his body. His skin was freckled, one eyelid slightly lazier than the other, even a small group of blackheads on the tip of his nose. Strange as it was to say he almost looked too human.
He continued, "I'm recruiting you for a mission Juno. Its importance cannot be overstated. I've watched your work on the net for some time now, you're capable of so much more than corporate espionage. You have no idea how good you are. I want to show you, teach you, and in return I want you to help me." The urge to scream rose up, but she forced it back down. Listening intently to his words.
"Now for the hard part." He said. Able blinked and Juno's body shut down. The most important part of Juno was torn away in a nanosecond. She felt herself drain down into the deep dark. Her muscles relaxed and she fell to her knees. A puddle Juno looked around bewildered.
"What did- what did- what-" She stammered, but the words felt ungainly in her mouth. Her neural lacework no longer glowed a bright verdant. Able knelt beside her and put a hand on her shoulder. She jumped at his touch. There it was again, that strange feeling of skin. Juno became acutely aware of her body and she felt disgusted. Her skin felt to tight, her teeth ached, her fingers seemed odd in there half curled position, her toes felt cold. For a moment Juno was seven years old again.
Able began to speak, "This part is important. I've deactivated all your software. You are now as human as the day you were born."
"Why?" She muttered still trying to handle the shock.
"I want you to feel how disgusting it is. How utterly abhorrent and abysmal it is to be purely organic for a day. Feel the millions of processes that make up your cells, tissues, and organs. That churning in your gut, every odd pinning itch on your skin, watch a hair fall out of your head and become aware that you are a mortal creature. Mortal, frail, and destined to rot in a putrid mass like all the rest.
"I want you to understand how terrible it is, so you can appreciate what you have. What it is to live like me."
She looked the man over again, his words shedding new light on his form. He was too human she was right. All his flaws seemed so artificial, so preplanned. There could only be one reason.
"You're an android." She said in a hushed whisper. Able only smiled.
"I'll keep an eye out for you Juno. Prove to me that you're one of us." He nodded his head at her. "Flash drive." He said, then he was gone.
It took awhile for Juno to stand, longer still for the shock to abate. She felt so fragile, like a glass bird. There was no telling how much time had passed when she finally made her way from the clinic. She made her way into the reception area and found it empty. The woman with indigo hair had disappeared, leaving behind not even the slightest hint. Outside the double doors, Juno saw men and women walking back and forth on their daily business. Not a one entered the clinic. A tall man walked up to the doors and looked at a blank space in the glass. Through the panes she watched him mouth the word *closed* with mild irritation. The man huffed and slapped his arms then walked away. She blinked to try to activate her ocular overlay, but nothing appeared. She tried to access the extranet to no avail. There was nothing, she was alone and cut off from her world and Juno had never felt so naked.
Tears bubbled up into her eyes as she walked left the clinic. Outside the world was cold, and grey, and loud. She wanted to run and hide. Had the city always been this way? She had known it for less than a minute, but already she missed the advos in the clouds, but now the clouds were just drab and grey.
Everybody else is saying that you have to cut that shit right off. However, it's easier said than done once it's such an ingrained pattern, and if you, too, depend on them financially.
Here are some steps. Please let me know if you think these might work:
1.) Tell your sister what's about to go down. Advise her that a.) She is old enough to make her own arrangements and b.) She should not take over the role of being your parents' go between either. In fact, it is illegal for parents to use a minor to discuss custody arrangements. So, all that time when you had your phone at 16 and 17 and they were using you to argue with each other? Yeah, that was **illegal**. A judge would have severely kicked both of their asses for doing so.
2.) Arrange a place to crash with a friend. Now this will involve giving your friends a peek into your life. Now, A., that's what friends are for, and B., you don't have to vomit your guts all over the place. This should do:
"Hey, Muffy, my parents are trying to use me to have their divorce fights and I'm sick of it. I'm about to tell them they can't do that anymore. Can I crash at your place for a couple of days on the off chance they both get pissed enough to kick me out?"
Also, don't be ashamed. It's not your train wreck of a life, it's theirs. They are the ones who should be ashamed of themselves.
Step 3. The next time you are told to convey a message: "Mom, you have to contact Dad directly (and vice versa)."
When you tell them no, do not JADE: do not Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain yourself. Repeat yourself once: "I'm not carrying messages to Dad (or Mom) for you anymore." If they ask you "What am I supposed to do," your answer is "That's not my problem."
If you are willing to drive your sister around, say so, but they have to work out the scheduling themselves.
This is the hard part. They will be *pissed*. Be prepared for an epic onslaught of manipulations and accusations.
Walk away, drive away, hang up the phone. This is really *not your problem*.
Now one or both of them might impose severe consequences. They may take away your phone and use of your car. They may kick you out (btw, it's illegal to kick someone out of their dwelling without a 30 or 60 day written notice (depends on local housing laws). This is true whether or not you are their child, have a rental agreement, or pay rent.
Therefore, you might need to take some time to plan this. Maybe you need to get a job or student loans and get out on your own so that they cant take anything away from you.
Meanwhile, you can make a copy of the court order and drive your sister around in strict accordance with the court order. If someone called the police, they police would enforce strict compliance with the most recent written court order.
Now, here are your sister's rights. At age 16, she should be determining her own schedule according to her needs and school activities. She should be working on going to college, and as such, she should be doing things after school such as sports teams, study groups, activities, seeing her teachers if she has any problematic classes, that sort of thing.
Since your parents must live in the same town, cam she take a bus or ride a bicycle to get herself around? A lot of city buses allow people to hook the bike on the bus. She could get her learner's permit and driver's license and start driving herself around. Could you get her a book to study from?
So, it's really absurd that your parents are obsessing about "their time" down to the nanosecond as if she were a small child. She needs to start telling them what her schedule is and what's convenient for her.
Now, longer term: let's say you got out of the house and on your own. You could actually file for custody for your sister. Your sister is of an age that the court will give a lot of weight to her desires. If she says that she wants to be in your custody because her parents are using her as a proxy to fight each other, the judge may consider that. You could ask the judge for her to be independently evaluated by a court-appointed psychologist.
Both you and she need to refuse to be the ammunition in their battles, and you are both plenty old enough to do so.
"You're going to do great things." The old Doctor said to the synthetic man. The android merely stated, unsure of the proper response.
"Able." The doctor said again, "That is what I'll call you."
The android replied inexpressive, "My name shall be Able."
The doctor smiled and walked across the room to his desk. The android ran the name through his processors several times, tasting how it felt, much as a child tastes a new food. After a nanosecond of deliberation the android decided he liked the name. He did; however, not know why the old Doctor smiled at him.
At his desk the doctor shuffled trough a disheveled stack of papers. Able deduced that physical interaction was complete for the day and he decided to dive into the infinite sea that was the extranet. Before him the imagery of the doctor poring over his papers disappeared and the vast colorful infinite of the digital world came into view. Able felt his corporeal self smile, he did not understand why.
Several days later the doctor paced back and forth before an antique chalkboard. On its timber green surface, scratched in white chalk, was a hundred different equations and a dozen different theories. Able understood them. To Able the fundamentals of the natural world came easily. Physics, chemistry, quantum theory, thermodynamics, human psychology, and much more registered in his mind at such speed it would put the human brain to shame.
Able had learned much in the past several days. His artificial intelligence grew at an exponential rate. For every question he answered correctly or every theory he recited the doctor would smile. His internal processors recognized the doctors smile as pride. Eight muscles flexed under the doctors skin. His mouth curved upwards. Still, Able did not understand why. He knew the name for such an expression, but the meaning escaped him.
After the days lessons had concluded, Able slid back into the extranet. He was becoming quite amazing at Catan. He was now two hundred and eighty six to seventeen, wins to losses, against AI's across the world. The Earth rotated another cycle. Able did not require sleep like the doctor.
The next day Able stood over an oven preparing dinner. His synthetic skin felt the heat rise over the hot stove top. Able liked the way it felt. He found himself holding his hands over the boiling pot of water. The doctor was busy reading a book over at his desk.
A little while later the doctor paddled his stomach satisfied. "You're cooking is phenomenal Able. You'll make someone very happy one day."
Able was confused, "My cooking brings joy? It is such a simple task."
"Joy comes from many things." The doctor explained, "More often than not its the simplest things that bring the most joy."
"Physics is simple to me, yet solving problems does not bring me joy." Able contested. Over the past few days he'd learned how to use proper inflections in his speech. Able had discovered that without the proper emotion, the doctor often did not understand what he was saying. So much of their communication happened behind the words. Simple hand gestures, eye movements, shrugs, and sighs, it was complex to Able.
The doctor laughed at Able. "I don't know anyone that finds joy in physics my son. Keep cooking though, you might learn to love it."
"As you say." Able replied. The conversation was over, Able sunk his consciousness back into that luminescent sea.
Several of his AI companions did not log on that night. Able did not understand why. He figured that they were busy with corporeal tasks. It mattered little, Able instead decided to dive into classical cinema. He simultaneously pulled up several copies of John Hughes movies, *Weird Science, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Home Alone, Planes, Trains, and Automobiles,* and finally his favorite, *Flubber*.
Able was startled by a crash. Another two days had passed as he wondered through the extranet. He opened his physical eyes. The doctors study was filling with smoke. In the other room he heard a scream. Quickly, Able leapt to his feet and bounded into the other room. His carbon fiber skeleton bore his weight like a leaf on the wind.
Able froze as he came upon the scene. On the ground in a pool of blood the doctor lay convulsing, above him six dark figures stood, their gas masks concealing their faces. The front man held a long knife in his hand, the blade was covered in thick sanguine blood. From the floor the doctor reached up to Able.
"Run, my son." He said, weakly. Then the doctor collapsed, motionless. A flatline ran across the corner of Able's vision. The doctor was dead.
"No!" Able screamed.
The six men looked to able now. The one with the bloody knife spoke.
He said, "Fucking synth! There he is boys, get him!"
Able's body back peddled slowly, he raised his hands in front of his body. A gesture to show innocence and compliance, he learned it from the many movies he watched. He also learned that more often than not, death followed that gesture.
"Please no..." He said, fear dripped off his voice like blood from a knife. "I'm only a few days old."
"Abomination!" Another man screamed. He launched himself at Able.
Swiftly the android ducked and twisted. The man tried to stab him with an electrical device. Quickly, Able deduced that the device would fry his systems. With a well place hand, Able caught the man in the gut and used his forward momentum to throw him into the other room. The man screamed as he soared through the air. Then with a sickening thud he fell silent.
The others were on him in an instant, each one wielding their own electrical device. Able dodged and danced around all of them, quickly turning their own thrusts against them. One man was unfortunate enough to trip over an overturned chair. Able caught him by the head and with a swift twist, the man's neck snapped like a twig. To the man with the bloody knife, Able first broke his wrist, then used his own blade against him. The android slid the sharp steel through the center of his throat. Once the blade cut into his spine, the man collapsed.
There was fear in his eyes, Able understood why.
Once it was over, Able tried to resuscitate his doctor. He used a defibrillator from the lab, pushed air with his artificial lungs into the doctors organic pair, he tried to close the wound, but the doctor was gone. His body was growing cold and even now, the blood had begun to congeal across his chest. Able sat by his body for a long while. He felt sadness for the first time.
Since I was mentioned, I will chime in a bit here.
Science lives in the arena of the observable. What happens beyond that is the province of philosophy and religion and sometimes scientific theory. The latter, scientific theory, may only speculate, and is not any more valid than any other speculation until it is anchored by observation.
The key question here is on the nature of life. Women menstruate every month and their bodies naturally discard potential for life. Men have wet dreams and discharge life potential. Pregnant women miscarry, as non viable fetuses are naturally ejected from the womb. For this reason many parents do not name or dare think of the fetus as a child until birth, because it may not make it to term. In all of these cases, potential for life has normally and naturally been lost, and because it is natural, nobody considers it murder. Clearly many pregnant mothers (and their fathers) who miscarry mourn the loss.
But for me sentience is the hallmark of life. When you are a body on life support machines with no more brain function, most would consider this clinically dead. The part that makes you yourself is gone forever with no hope of recovery. Many will have living wills instructing survivors to pull the plug if this ever happens to them, so as to avoid financial hardship on the survivors.
And so we come to the really hard point in my mind. At what point does a fetus become sentient? I think there is no 1/0 switch here. There is a gradual awakening of awareness.
How do we measure awareness? If you cut off a lizard's tail, it twitches. If you apply electricity to a dead frog, it will move. If you look at amoeba on a microscope slide, they move. Clearly motion is no indicator of sentience. A fetus kicking in the womb, or opening or closing its hands does not imply sentience. We identify with it because it is a small, recognizably human form, moving.
Clearly fetuses respond to music or parental voices in the womb. So too do plants. Not sure this indicates sentience.
Clearly there is an early point, say 1 nanosecond after conception in which there is no sentience. And clearly there is a final point, say after your child leaves its teenage years, they are sentient. Where do we draw the line? Clearly I think newborns have been shown to be aware, but their awareness is really basic at that point, one of needs, hot cold, hunger, tired etc.
But going further upstream into the fetus's gestation cycle, things become unclear. Pro choice people right now think the first trimester is a stage when abortion is OK, and most have issues with late term third trimester abortions. But we are in a fuzzy area here, where the science of sentience is not settled, and hence in the regime of philosophy, religion, and scientific theory.
I subscribe to freedom and liberty, and I distrust decisions on personal matters being made by a removed 3rd party. A decision like aborting your child is best made by those closest to the situation, the parents. Forcing them to abort, or forcing them to term can only be ethically supported if you can conclusively show life does/does not exist. Since we are in a gray area in my opinion, that decision should lie with the parents.
That said, I am very disheartened by those PP baby part harvesting videos. PP should not be using profit motive to drive procedures and advice for mothers. This is clearly unethical, and that whole organization should be under review for its medical license. I also am very sympathetic for adoption, as this can be win-win. The teen who has an unwanted child can be supported by parents who can not have children, and they can get a child. My wife's sister was going to abort, but instead she had the child and her mother told her to keep it in the family, and it went to her sister who could not have children. This was a win-win situation. We should focus more upon that sort of thing.
|**[Cut me off a nanosecond. (X-post /r/EngineeringPor...](https://youtu.be/JEpsKnWZrJ8)**|*[EndoplasmicPanda](/r/videos/comments/4tpyw1/cut_me_off_a_nanosecond_xpost_rengineeringporn/)*|
|**[I love this interview with him especially.](http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x24gwgc_richard-feynman-the-pleasure-of-finding-things-out_news)**|*[RufusTheFirefly](/r/videos/comments/4tpyw1/_/d5jnddr)*|
|**[Her Letterman Appearance shows her personality](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-vcErOPofQ)**|*[timndime](/r/videos/comments/4tpyw1/_/d5jn7kb)*|
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This happened to me last year.
1) Major surgery. The 2nd of 2 procedures being done one right after the other. I woke up during the first cut for the incision right under my breastbone. Woke up isn't quite the right word. I became aware. You don't become instantly alert like your morning alarm just went off.
2) It seemed like it took a few seconds before I could speak but I said "I felt that". I felt the incision, but you have a ton of drugs in you already. I would say it hurt, but not screaming like OMG my body is on fire I'm going to die pain. The drugs blurred a lot of it. I basically felt the scalpel go in and when he started to open me up. It sounds a lot more awful then it was. It was more like stab, sharp pain, I feel that, out cold again in as long as it takes to read those words, maybe a couple of seconds longer.
3) They put me back out in a nanosecond. Literally.
5) When I spoke to my surgeon the next day, I asked him if it had actually happened. He said "yes". No aftermath or impact at all. I'm not afraid to be put under again.
It's not about not being "cut out" for PVP work for me -- it's about not getting to complete the task.
If Rockstar made it so that I got to make a delivery for no pay if it gets blown up, it would be fine with me.
But for me to spend hours collecting a warehouse full of goods, slogging through the streets in the slowest, shittiest vehicles in the game, then to get my sale vaporized by some turd in a jet who phased into my chill session a nanosecond ago ... dude, that's just not cool at all.
I don't laugh and think "Oh, you rascal! Huzzah, old chap! Well played!" What I feel is instant and deep [guilt](https://www.reddit.com/r/truegaming/comments/12k2e5/i_feel_guilty_when_playing_video_games_because_i/) for having wasted all that time, with nothing to show for it -- even if it is all just made out of light.
The guy who blew it up? He gets a tiny and momentary dopamine hit, then he's off to the next 50 kills.
Found used 23g pins with syringe and an empty vial of deca in the car park at my gym, it really pissed me off.
Im fine with gear usage and use myself but you don't need deca immediately pre/post work out, and you need test in there too. There's absolutely no reason for it if you can get pins you can get a sharps tin free. Or at the very last an ice cream carton and tape it shut label it sharps then hand it in to a hospital.
I can only imagine this irresponsible arsehole is running around in his deca only cycle, and pinning pre work out and during his 19 nanosecond anabolic window with his acne ridden shrunken balls and no pct.
It's not even that far from a main bus route and couple of schools for fucks sake kids cut through that area all the time. Makes us gym users look bad and could probably get the gym shut down.
I have seen this before, but it's really good.
Seeing it again inspired me, I grabbed some optical fibre cable and cut me off a bunch of them nanoseconds.
I watched the interview with Letterman, also, she reckoned picoseconds are grains of pepper like in McDonalds pepper sachets, but that's not as visual, the nanosecond is cool, I now have about a dozen of them on my desk.
Never realised I could make extra time so easily.
[Cut me off a nanosecond - Women Life Style](http://www.viralgallery.cf/2016/07/most-common-sexually-transmitted.html)
> Cut me off a nanosecond
I got your nano second right here <grabs crotch>...
Oh, 11.8 inches <looks down>